Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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