i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
