Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
