this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
