I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
