There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
