Cold hands, warm shart.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
