yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get