hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.