It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.