I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
