super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
