i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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