I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
