apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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