I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
