You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize