K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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