PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
