420 ftw
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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