you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
