Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
