Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
