we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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