Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
