At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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