I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
