I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I look better un-naked...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
