Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
