Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
