half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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