I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
