how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
