did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
