and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
