Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
