Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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