and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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