i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
