Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am spending my child support on dildos
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
