So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
