somebody snuck up and got me drunk
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
