Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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