shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
