even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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