even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
