So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
