Non-Jews are for practice
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
