My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
