remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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