Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
