Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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