If i come over, it means nothing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
