Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
