No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
