He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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