the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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