Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
