I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
