those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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