Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
