I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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