Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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