I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't make out with my wife yet
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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