the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
