There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
