For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
