I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
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Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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