Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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