Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
