Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
