so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
