My cat gives me a boner
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
