You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize