there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
