I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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