I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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