not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
